A woman from New Orleans named Isis wanted to change her name to eliminate comments.
In court the judge said: I understand why you want to change your name but why did you choose “Jane” as your new name being it’s so common.
Isis: It’s because I had to change my name once before.
Judge: What was your original name?
The airlines are wasting time when they call boarding by group number.
They should simply board everyone at once, alphabetically, by last name.
My last name is Aaron – only the Aardvarks would board before me but fortunately they don’t fly very often.
I’m convinced that I will live to 120 although my life expectancy is 79.
Drinking a glass of red wine every day adds three years to life expectancy.
Matcha green tea + three.
Five fruits or veg + four.
A tablespoon of virgin olive oil + two.
Two cigars, minus one – OK, minus two (makes olive oil a push).
When I was 65 I needed ten dental implants. The implantologist took X-rays, and told me that the implants would last 30 years.
On my next visit I said there was something I didn’t tell him when he said the implants would last 30 years. He replied (with a great amount of concern in his voice) “what was that?”.
I said, “well – you know – my mother is 100 years old”.
My wife found a fifty dollar bill on the ground at a casino parking lot.
She said “I want to go to the lost and found to report this so it can be announced over the loudspeaker and claimed by the person who lost it”.
I ordered the safe driving monitor that car insurers install so that I could get a 40% discount on my next insurance policy bill.
When I received the bill it was 40% higher.
W. C. Fields once said that he found it easy to quit smoking – he’d done it at least 50 times.
I quit 35 years ago and never once gave it a second thought.
35 years, two months, three days, five hours and ten minutes ago.
In Miami we have to pass in the right lane because so many drivers are going 30 MPH in the left lane – they think it’s OK because Florida has the Stand Your Ground law.
When shopping for paper towels or toilet paper I guess you’ve noticed the annoying and confusing trend in packaging:
“Four mega rolls equal to twelve regular size rolls”, or 6 = 18, or 8 = 24. That packaging scheme was created by a precocious youth of 15 = 45.
Have you heard of the tourist oriented town of French Lick, Indiana?
The town offers a number of activities including a full service casino, an 18 hole well groomed golf course and a winery with vintage cafe.
The next town over is called French Kiss where activities include……..