A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs. She becomes worried and asks her mom about it.
Her mom calmly says, “the part where hair has grown is called Monkey. Be proud that your Monkey has grown hair”. The girl smiled.
Later, at dinner, she says to her sister, “My Monkey has grown hair”.
Her sister smiled and says, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas”.
Three boy scouts, a lawyer, a priest and a pilot are in a plane that is about to crash.
The pilot says “we only have three parachutes, let’s give them to the three boy scouts, they are young and have their whole lives in front of them”.
The lawyer says “fuck the boy scouts!”.
The Priest says “do we have time?”
If she eats french fries with a fork, she’s probably not going to do that thing you like.
New privacy regulations no longer allow the use of patient names in the waiting room.
Doctor: Will the patient with the itchy vagina please follow me.
Sitting in the E.R., I don’t really want to get into the details but the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading product name.
Boy: Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind… it’s too long!!
Girl: Wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind… You’ll never get it!!
Is it “for fucks sake” or “for fuck sake”? It’s for a work email so it has to sound professional.
My girlfriend invited me to her house.
I found her sister at home alone. She was incredibly sexy and whispered in my ear: “I have feelings for you, are we going to have sex?”. I immediately turned around and headed towards the door on the way to my car.
I found my girlfriend standing outside the door. She kissed me and said, “you’ve won my trust”.
Moral of the story:
Always keep your condoms in the car!!
An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters:
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are engineers.
A bull was deployed to service cows on a farm.
Wife asks the farm manager: “How many times can this bull perform?”
Manager: “5 to 6 times a day”.
Wife looks at her husband: “See?”
Husband asks the manager: “Is it the same cow every time?”
Manager: “No sir it’s a different cow every time.”
Husband looks back to wife: “See!”
** You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing.
** You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, “She’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising.
** You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Telemarketing.
** You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Public Relations.
** You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition.
** You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That’s a Sales Rep.
** Your friend can’t satisfy him so she calls you. That’s Tech Support.
** You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you’re passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!” That’s Facebook.