Dean Martin
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
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Alan King
My wife has OCD. I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and when I returned the bed had been made up.
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Red Buttons
I bought a pair of shrink resistant socks. When I washed them they resisted before they shrank.
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Sid Caesar
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three – he was a genius.
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Groucho Marx
I wouldn’t join a club that would have me as a member.
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