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Boobs: The proof that men can focus on two things at the same time.

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Secrets: Something you tell everybody to tell nobody.

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I saw a woman’s sweatshirt printed with “GUESS”. I said: Implants?

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Well, another day went by and I didn’t use algebra once.

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My favorite oxymoron: Airline food

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Don’t cry over spilled milk – it could have been beer!

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A windstorm blew off 25% of my oof last night.

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